I’ve been watching the Netflix series “13 Reasons Why” recently (and at this point I should say spoilers) and it conveyed a lot of powerful messages and created a huge number of feelings for me, but the largest and most relevant to every one of us for me was:
your words and actions CAN affect others.
your words and actions CAN affect others.
If you've watched the series you'll know that all 13 reasons why Hannah Baker killed herself were to do with friendships or lack of them.
The brutality and violence in the series has really shocked me and from reading reactions on social media this stuff really happens and it is portrayed well. The shock is more from a mainstream TV company really getting to the heart, the dark heart, of almost impossible feelings and emotions which are chilling and difficult to sit with.
These aren't kids who don't know better either, a lot of characters are 18 and still don't know how to treat people. Or maybe they know but they don't care enough or even realise the harm they are doing. A lot of us, and I’d include myself in this, have said things in the heat of the moment, which we’d be ashamed of, and that can trigger feelings in the other which are incredibly distressing. Sometimes we lash out to try and push others away, or because it’s how we’ve learnt to behave. It can be difficult to recognize these ways of being in the world, and even more difficult to alter them.
Some reactions online have said that the programme encourages and glorifies suicide but I really don't think this is true. Anyone who watched the final scenes where Hannah is so lost and desperate that she slits her wrists will see how painful this really is. This is part of the debate about suicide, as a reluctance, understandable reluctance at that, to portray suicide as glamorous needs to be present in any discussion, but it can also allow us, society at large, to just ignore the giant elephant that’s going on around us all the time.
Anything that gets people talking about suicide and depression is surely a good thing? My hope, and I think it’s a motivator for this programme, is that anyone who is feeling suicidal may just see the reactions to Hannah's suicide and get help…. If you’re in immediate danger then the Samaritans and Maytree offer immediate befriending. If you do want help, to talk in a professional way about feeling suicidal, or feelings following somebody’s suicide drop me an email at ben@benscanlan.com.
P.S Please realise just how important every little thing you say to someone really is. Try to be kind, it could save a life.
The brutality and violence in the series has really shocked me and from reading reactions on social media this stuff really happens and it is portrayed well. The shock is more from a mainstream TV company really getting to the heart, the dark heart, of almost impossible feelings and emotions which are chilling and difficult to sit with.
These aren't kids who don't know better either, a lot of characters are 18 and still don't know how to treat people. Or maybe they know but they don't care enough or even realise the harm they are doing. A lot of us, and I’d include myself in this, have said things in the heat of the moment, which we’d be ashamed of, and that can trigger feelings in the other which are incredibly distressing. Sometimes we lash out to try and push others away, or because it’s how we’ve learnt to behave. It can be difficult to recognize these ways of being in the world, and even more difficult to alter them.
Some reactions online have said that the programme encourages and glorifies suicide but I really don't think this is true. Anyone who watched the final scenes where Hannah is so lost and desperate that she slits her wrists will see how painful this really is. This is part of the debate about suicide, as a reluctance, understandable reluctance at that, to portray suicide as glamorous needs to be present in any discussion, but it can also allow us, society at large, to just ignore the giant elephant that’s going on around us all the time.
Anything that gets people talking about suicide and depression is surely a good thing? My hope, and I think it’s a motivator for this programme, is that anyone who is feeling suicidal may just see the reactions to Hannah's suicide and get help…. If you’re in immediate danger then the Samaritans and Maytree offer immediate befriending. If you do want help, to talk in a professional way about feeling suicidal, or feelings following somebody’s suicide drop me an email at ben@benscanlan.com.
P.S Please realise just how important every little thing you say to someone really is. Try to be kind, it could save a life.
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